How Yoga Broke Me Open - And Revealed a Beautiful Mess
They say there’s beauty in chaos.
When some people look at a Jackson Pollock work, they see pandemonium. It might seem like a turbulent, splattered mess of paint. It might even throw off your equilibrium.
Just think what a great ad it would make for a yoga studio:
“Two Weeks Of Unlimited Yoga! Come Untangle Your Hideous Guts For Only $40! It's unlimited!”
I find it weirdly comforting, this abstract expression of mental instability, overwhelming fear, sadness and alcoholism. All of which many have experienced (remember, that you are NOT alone). It’s a dance with the devil, a sexy mess of paint and emotions run amok and pain. It’s mass hysteria.
There’s honesty there. And the truth can break your heart, more so than a photo of a hot yoga chick posing on a desert rock while the warm wind is giving lift to layers of bedazzled chiffon. Those photos are gorgeous, but I just can’t relate… I’m pretty much never in Virabhadrasana III in a pasture, with a majestic sky behind me. At sunrise. Hair flowing, like a river.
It just ain’t that pretty sometimes.
We all have a dark side. We all wear masks.
The power of yoga can be just as intense and earth shaking, like a nervous breakdown. It comes in like a lion, roaring it’s head off, resistant, over-caffeinated and on the war path toward some Advil and an epsom salt bath after too many Chaturangas.
It’s more than being able to bend down and touch your toes. It’s better than a boatful of chocolate, and it rules the school, like a Pink Lady. It’s cunning, in a good way. It’ll break your neuroses down, kick ‘em around like a hacky sack and it’ll build you back up. And in that vulnerable space in between, that’s when things really start to get interesting.
At first, you’re thinking: why am I so oversensitive lately? What is going on here? I thought yoga was supposed to be funner…can’t I just get high?
Before long: This sucks! Where did I go wrong in life? And right before the breakthrough: F*?$! I hate doing stuff that’s good for me! How late is that hot dog truck outside open? But there’s a method to the madness. Yoga will incessantly nag you and nag you and nag you, until you realize you’re happier, more connected to others and less of a maniacal, self-centered freak.
After a lifetime of always being on the outside looking in, I can tell you that before long, if you stick with your practice, something starts to shift.
It can be subtle. Picture yourself on your mat, breathing and sweating for at least an hour. By the time you’re in your hip opener, you’re bowing your head down toward something you really don’t understand, but you know it’s there, inside and all around. Somewhere, in a place between heaven and earth, there’s a sweet ocean of liquid light moving with you and through you. Beckoned by the moon, that ocean tide rises and falls and tangos with the watery gods. And yoga goes out like a lamb.
The pose is never just a pose, just like it’s not just paint drippings, now is it? There’s always a bigger picture.
Ask anyone who’s taken a Rorschach Test or has been in a deep conversation with someone with a Psychology Degree.
There are those awful parts inside all of us that are probably much better off buried in an unmarked grave, where they belong. Sometimes it’s just too scary and confrontational to deal with. Cry over it, shake your fist in the air, have a good old-fashioned temper tantrum. And in the end, embrace it. There’s nothing to be afraid of, really. Look up. There’s a spectacular view from that precarious perch where you can let yourself fall apart, and ultimately find yourself.
I remember the words of my teacher: practice no matter what.
For those of you who have experienced this, I imagine you remember exactly where you were in that moment. The moment, between the gap, when you felt the shift.
In 2006, Jackson Pollock’s No. 5, 1948 sold for $140,000,000. Count the zeros. That makes it the most expensive painting in the world. Damn, it pays to let it all bleed.
We are almost into February. New Years and those brand new resolutions are gone. Let go of regret and all those bad decisions. Be vulnerable, get down and get dirty. Don’t worry, the practice will pick you up and put you back together. There’s real, unshakable love out there.
Tell the people in your life how much you love them. Go crazy, run through the sprinklers, laugh like a maniac and be willing to make mistakes, tons of them. That’s what makes the masterpiece.
How Being Mindful Can Help You Stick With Your Goals or Resolutions
Adapted from Angela Mulholland from CTVNews.ca.
If New Year’s resolutions are notorious for one thing it’s that they’re easy to break. Our resolve to eat healthier gets thrown by the wayside when we are stressed by work or home life. Our plans to go for more walks are pushed aside when more important matters compete for our time. Ahhh, time.
It's always about not having enough time. Some days I imagine that is entirely true. Most other days it's the easy excuse, especially since we all are allotted the same number of hours in a day.
Of course children, shift work, family, etc. may get in the way. However, taking more time for yourself isn't selfish. Again, it is NOT selfish. You need to love yourself enough to realize that you can take even an hour for yourself in a day.
If you are always giving to others and do not receive in like kind (or even close to it), eventually your mind and body cannot keep up.
Often by the time March 1 rolls around (or February 1st - and it has been stated that after just one week, 20% of people have already given up on their "resolution") - we’re left wondering how we’ve managed to fall back into our old habits.
Breaking habits is never easy because, by their nature, they are ingrained in us until they have become automatic reflexes. It’s easy to mindlessly reach for snacks when we're bored, or sit down after dinner rather than go for a walk if that‘s how we‘ve done things for years. My wife and I just recently watched the following documentary on Doc Zone - (http://www.cbc.ca/doczone/episodes/slaves-to-habit). If you have some time, it has some interesting insights on habits/addiction. Three main people are sited: habitual eaters, habitual smokers, and habitual shoppers. All groups are border-lining on possible addiction.
Perhaps the key to ending unhealthy habits is developing a skill called mindfulness.
What exactly is mindfulness?
To psychologists, mindfulness means being fully aware of what is happening at this very moment. One of the ways of maintaining this awareness is through mindful meditation, or mindful practicing (of which our studio offers a quite a few classes).
In practical terms, mindfulness meditation involves sitting quietly and focusing the mind on one thing -- often the feel or sound of one’s breath. Then, as thoughts enter the mind, the idea is to take notice of the thoughts but not react to them; simply return the focus to the breath.
On the surface, it’s a simple technique; but it’s a skill that takes time to learn. Yet once mastered, mindfulness can have powerful effects, as a growing number of studies show.
Research over the last several years has found mindfulness meditation can help with depression by turning off the negative self-talk that often starts the spiral into deeper depression. Other studies have shown it can help with chronic pain and anxiety disorders.
Those who regularly practise mindfulness say it does more than just relax them during the meditation itself; over time, they begin transferring the mindfulness technique of “quieting the mind” into their thought processes throughout the day.
Sarah Housser is a psychotherapist who teaches mindfulness techniques to those with depression and anxiety at The Mindfulness Clinic in Toronto. "People often ask, 'Okay, I'm going to follow my breath and then that's supposed to make me less depressed? What's the connection?'" She explains that mindfulness forces us to be aware of what’s happening right now, to fully experience the moment -- and not judge it.
While that sounds simple enough, it’s not easy to do, particularly when our minds are used to multitasking or focusing on several things at once.
"Usually, our minds are worrying about the future or the past, or criticizing something or wanting something or judging something," she says. "But what that means is we’re not really awake to the moments of our life. We’re just getting ready for the next thing. Instead of enjoying what we're eating, for example, we're thinking about what we're going to do after we eat. And we miss a lot.”
By focusing only on this moment right now, Housser says it gives our minds a chance to take a break and reset themselves.
"It's like de-fragmenting the computer or tuning an instrument; it just kind of settles you back to something that is more real -- so that those moments carry on,” she says.
Ending negative self-talk often key
Mindfulness also urges us not to react to thoughts that enter the mind during a meditation. When thoughts begin to creep in and distract, instead of getting irritated, the idea is to simply notice the thoughts, send them away gently and re-focus on the breath.
With enough practice, this ability not to judge or react to intruding thoughts becomes a habit in itself.
Housser explains that many of us, especially those with depression or anxiety, have a loop of negative self-talk playing in our heads -- even when many of the worries are neither helpful nor even true. PLEASE remember, it does not have to be PERFECT. There are glimmers of perfection in everything, but your changes should not, and cannot be in pursuit of perfection. Since we are always in progress of growing and changing, there is really no endpoint (much like your yoga practice). So give yourself a break!
"So mindfulness is a way to come back. We can say to ourselves, 'You don't need to fix everything'," she says.
"The concept I like to think about is that the mind is going to pump thoughts the way the heart pumps blood. We can't stop our thoughts. We just don't need to take all of them so seriously. They're just thoughts and they're constantly changing."
Learning to use mindfulness to slow the mind, to take notice and appreciate each moment, and to recalibrate when we are over-reacting to thoughts are all skills that can take a little time to master, Housser says.
Self-awareness as a way to shift habits
When it comes to New Year’s resolutions -- which are often about habits -- the first step is awareness of our habits and what compels us to slip back into them (again, watch the Doc Zone) . The next step is convincing ourselves to resist that urge.
Housser says mindfulness can help with both.
“People can use mindfulness as a way to shift habits because what you're learning is the ability to notice a sensation or a desire, and to just sit with those sensations without reacting to them. If you just sit with the sensations long enough, they will pass,” she says. I have heard it is for as little as 5 minutes, but again, the documentary goes even further.
Mindfulness can also help when we fall off the resolution wagon by reminding us not to beat ourselves up over our misstep and by renewing the resolve to try again. A key principle of mindfulness meditation involves acceptance. When the mind wanders during a meditation, the key is to accept that it will. As Housser says, that’s just what the mind does -- just as the heart pumps blood.
“Instead of judging yourself, the instruction is just to bring yourself back to the present. The same is true with making goals for change,” she says.
“You can try and promise to go the gym more often. But if you find after a time that you've fallen away, you can just start again if you let go of the judging story of: 'Oh God, here I go again, failing at this.' Instead you can say: ‘Okay, I've kind of lost my way with my goal. But I can just begin again,’ ” she says.
“What you'll find is what you get is more time. If you’re really awake moment to moment, you get to have each moment of your life instead of missing most of them.
“It’s about waking up to your life.”
Warriors of Change
Brandon Jacobs Introduces Warriors of Change from Yogalife Studios on Vimeo.
Yogalifer Brandon Jacobs shares his vision and inspiration around his upcoming workshops, Warriors of Change. His goal is to provide a safe and nurturing environment for our yoga community to come together and bring love and acceptance to issues that may be holding us back or affecting our lives negatively.
Warriors of Change will explore the link between asana, journaling and meditation, with many societal issues.
Brandon, will lead you from the heart in authenticity, to show you the power of vulnerability, and how it can assist you in opening to the possibility of moving towards a higher version of yourself. Through the POWER of asana, and deep self-awareness, we can become raw and unmasked. We can truly see ourselves, forgive ourselves, and learn to love ourselves.
Through acceptance, transformation becomes possible.
Pre-register for this amazing workshop soon, space is limited!
January 25/2:30-5:30pm/Yogalife Studios South
How to Actually Change
Adapted from Dr. Frank Lipman and Laurie Gerber
Why is it that people find it so hard to make change? Well, the physical aspect of changing a habit of course, but most of us have proven we can break a bad habit when the stakes are high enough. The problem, we’ve found, is mostly in our heads!
You’ve got to believe it to see it!
It has been found that people often don’t believe that change is possible. And that’s because they are stuck in the same actions-thoughts-feelings-actions loop, but they don’t know it. For example, you have a bad conversation with someone, then you feel sorry for yourself and disappointed and you pick up a cookie and eat it (thinking it will make you feel better). Soon after that, you have another thought like “I have no self-control” and that is followed by another feeling, regret. Here comes the next action: “Might as well have some ice cream.” From there, the thoughts and feelings get even worse.
The problem is that nobody is tracing their actions back to their thoughts. Everyone is waiting to “feel like” eating healthy, in order to start taking the right actions. That could take a very long time.
How to Catch Your Thoughts
Thoughts are mighty elusive but they aren’t uncatchable if you are on a mission. Remember, if you can separate yourself from your thoughts, you’ll gain an amazing power in your life. We do a very specific exercise with clients to help them log and analyze their thought patterns. There is no substitute for writing things down. The awareness causes startling results.
Most people find they only have a handful of really negative thought themes, and once they are clearly nailed, better logic is easier to apply.
You can make a game of catching your most common patterns in action - becoming a warrior for inner peace!
Is Thought Tracking Enough?
No. And that’s because even if we can see the mechanism, it’s still hard to stop it. However, like I said above, when the stakes are high enough , we can often change. Unfortunately, we don’t feel the true consequences of many of our poor health choices until it’s way too late.
We actually get used to feeling physically and emotionally uncomfortable, or even numb, and so we stop connecting the choices we make to the feelings we feel. But yet, we want to feel better. It doesn’t have to go on this way.
Think about what would happen if the natural consequences of poor choices were bigger and more immediate, if you gained 10lbs every time you, say, ate sugar, or got a severe migraine every time you stayed up past 11pm. You’d be way more careful than you are now. But the consequences for most of your poor choices are much more subtle and build up over time, so you don’t notice the harm, except for maybe how crappy you generally feel about yourself, but you don’t connect that to the individual choices. Remember that a little plus a little plus a little equals A LOT!!!
Choices and Self-Esteem
There is actually a hit on your self-esteem every time you make a choice that is not in alignment with your ideals for yourself. That’s what we do feel. But instead of connecting that to the choice we just made, we blame “something wrong with us,” or think someone else should have loved us more or done better with us, or we blame something wrong with the circumstances of life. We end up “feeling bad” but powerless at the same time. We never connect the self-doubt or icky feeling back to the simple action we took or didn’t take.
Making this connection helps inspire change and causes a great increase in self-confidence, if you do something about it.
What to Do About It?
Because the actual consequences of our choices are not so obvious to us, we recommend that our people design artificial ones. Devise the right actions to take for your health (we call them promises) and then the appropriate consequence to “owe” if you don’t fulfill the promise. For example, you could promise to get in 30 minutes of cardio every day or else no television that day. Or you could promise only two desserts a week or else you have to do your partner/kid/roommate’s chores for the next week. One client had to tell her parents every time she drank more alcohol than she planned. That handled that!
It sounds simple but it’s remarkably powerful.
Suddenly, with an annoying, imminent consequence looming, your brain becomes so much more intelligent about how to get your promises done. You start directing your thinking and your actions towards your dream, and of course, the yummy feelings follow.
Consequences are not punishments, and they should not be harmful or detrimental.
In fact, you can see how the examples above could actually be very helpful to relationships and other goals. Consequences can be creative and even funny (one client had to wear bunny ears the next day if she ate things that were not on her food plan) but they have to annoy you enough that you want to avoid them - they also do not need to be so extreme or demeaning. They are simply examples!
What if I know I won’t follow through?
Like any game, it has no integrity if you don’t follow the rules. But since most of us are capable of cheating, it really helps to have accountability. Left to our own devices or in a community of people who have the same negative thinking as we do, we don’t get very far with our dreams.
Find the people who want what you want for your health and hang with them.
If you don’t have a coach make promises to someone in your community and ask them to hold you to them for real. The accountability to change the cycle of thoughts, feelings and actions and bring forth your dream for your health rests with you, but having people to answer to makes it much more likely that you will succeed.
One of my favorite quotes on change...
Sometimes it's not enough to simply say, "I'm sorry." Sometimes you actually have to change.
3 Reasons Why You Need a Restorative Yoga Practice
Adapted from Mind Body Green
Restorative yoga has a wonderful way of allowing our entire physical body to relax. This practice is an “active relaxation” class where we purposely support the body in yoga postures with props so we can stimulate and relax the body towards balance. Muscle and joint tension melts away, the endocrine (governor of hormones) system will be restored and any residual stress in the nervous system washes away. We are left with better digestion, energy levels and a good overall sense of well being.
I asked the class to set an intention to focus on ahimsa during their practice that evening. I asked them to imagine, with every inhale, filling up with a bright light, or an energy, that represented non-violence and loving kindess. With every exhale I encouraged the class to release everything else that wasn’t serving them right then in that moment, to allow for focus and attention on ahimsa.
Yogalifer Emily McNicoll shares her personal insight on this nurturing practice:
"My passion around restorative yoga lies not only in helping people heal their body and mind but to provide a sacred experience in which they can shine a light on the shadowy sides of the self and ultimately feel more comfortable in their own skin."
Our upcoming "Rest & Restore" workshop, hosted by Emily, is full to the brim! If you would like to stay in the loop for the next workshop please email us at info@yogalifestudios.ca
Cleanse You
As the seasons change, the days pass, and the moon waxes and wanes our bodies are continuously shifting along with these rhythms. Fall turns to winter and the transition period from Yang to Yin energy is complete; as we move into the utmost Yin time of year (winter), the body yearns for introspection and digestion of summer’s blossoming’s.
Winter is a time to move slowly and sink deep into the truth of what we really are.
Yogalifer Sarah Zanbeek believes in cleansing from a holistic sense: mind, body and soul. A typical cleanse may call for a week of refined habits but to really reach long-lasting goals this shift requires permanence. Cleansing is an everyday commitment, a shift in lifestyle. It is choosing to love yourself more than all of the temptations.
Join us January 12 at Yogalife Studios North from 1:30-4:30 to dive into this new path of health and awareness.
This is not your typical Cleanse workshop. The focus is upon cleansing the entire self; mind, body and spirit through the artful wisdom of Chinese Medicine Organ flow and knowledge of Yoga. To cleanse fully, we must focus on the body as a unit, each part affecting the whole. This workshop will include pranayama (breath techniques), dynamic asana (yoga postures), meditation, and journaling with the intention deeply rooted in cleansing and removing all obstacles that are blocking the body’s natural energetic flow. As some of you may know, the body’s energetic organs have an elegant rhythm to which they flow, as life happens around us, this energetic system can be left in disarray leading to a number of different pathologies.
Come move your body and breath to a yoga sequence designed to re-remind the body of its natural energetic circadian rhythm, ironing out all the kinks this life may have caused.
Cleanse You Workshop
Where. Yogalife Studios North
When. Sun, Jan 12 @ 1:30pm - 4:30pm
Learn To Fly
New Years Quote
Today is the beginning of a new day. I have been given this day to use it as I will. I can waste it, or I can use it for good. What I do today is important, because I am exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever. In its place will be something I have left behind. It will be something good.
This is a quote that I read on New Years Day. It was speaking in generalities, but I have completely personalized it, and have decided to use it as my mantra for the year. I hope that is is a quote that may resonate with many of our students, in the pursuit of become higher versions of ourselves and giving back to the community.
-Brandon
A letter from Yogalife's owner, Caren.
Dear Yogalife students, teachers & yogis,
Happy Happy New Year!!!
How should I start.... ;) If we haven’t had the chance to meet yet, let me introduce myself. My name is Caren. I was the very first Yogalifer pretty much ever. I have had the pleasure of seeing the growth of this little studio become what it is today. Thank you for all the love and support that you show our Yogalife family everyday just by showing up.
My resolution this year is to start 2014 with clarity, integrity and intention. For me, 2013 has been a full year of shifts and lessons, of opportunity and growth. I am so fortunate and blessed to be part of such a rich yoga community, to be able to find abundance in the relationships I have made and to love what I get to do everyday. Thank you for showing up and helping me see that.
It might get long… so thank you for continuing to read this.... : )
Gratitude to the teachers who pour their heart and soul out in every class they teach, gratitude to them for helping us inspire health, strength, vibrancy and more in our community.
Gratitude to the front desk yogis who keep up with the cleaning and the laundry with vigour so that we can practice comfortably in the studio. Gratitude to them for making our day a little brighter with their warm smile or when they offer tea as an alternative to when we show up late for class.
Gratitude to the social media yogis for crafting beautiful reads, photos and videos to keep us motivated, educated and excited.
And Gratitude to all the students who keep showing up for classes and workshops, ready to move, ready to breathe and ready to learn. Your determination and exuberance fills me with humility and pride.
It’s already 2014! It’s hard to imagine that life moves so quickly and that Yogalife has been open for almost 4 years now. No, it doesn’t feel like just yesterday that we opened our doors, but my body definitely still remembers that "night before open foot fracture", and the space boot that came with it. My foot still hurts when it’s cold out…
This year our intention is to craft classes, workshops, and blog content that will inspire you. So we are offering a January and February filled with workshops dedicated to motivating your resolutions and goals. Perhaps there’s a workshop that will move you, challenge you, and make you smile.
Share your thoughts with us on how you felt about 2013. What do you want to see this year and what interests you?
These past 4 years have been a wild ride! I can’t wait to see what this upcoming year brings. Feels like it’s going to be… wait for it…. LEGENDARY.
Love,
Caren
Pratyhara
Connecting the Mat to the Stage
Pratyhara deals with the present moment. Savasana, corpse pose, is a key asana that usually associates itself to Pratyhara. After an arduous routine our body craves a calming pose. Savasana allows the body to align with the mind to “take in” the practice. Specifically, the posture enables a Yogi to attune with their inner self so much that a rapid sensory adaptation envelopes the body where you can lose track of time. The relaxing (parasympathetic) nervous system calms the mind making sure to alleviate the effects of the flight or fight (sympathetic) nervous system.
A Yogi can feel so intertwined in the present moment that for an instant the five senses seem out of reach to the moment.
Personally, after transitioning to a group ohm from savasana I have experienced yoga bliss where you feed off the energy of others. There is an energy that stems from the core and shoots to the top of the head and tips of the toes. This phenomenon seems slightly neurotic and crazy right? Right? RIGHT?
Wrong. This same phenomenon has happened to me on multiple onstage occasions. From singing a high note in the last song at the end of the show, the core feeling does not seem to disseminate to thin air. There is an element that connects pratyhara to the stage: vulnerability. On the mat you can be surrounded by up to fifty sweaty bodies where physical contact is inevitable.
At first, it can be difficult to let go and trust a group of complete strangers. Strangers that can see you work through a supressed subconscious. But in a Yoga class you work as a team, feeding off of the communal energy.
Similarly, in acting you delve into bizarre circumstances you need to wrap your head around. You’re experimenting with your emotions and sharing it to a vast dark laughing or crying abyss. Although, there is something surprising about both disciplines.
They allow you to confront who you are at face value.
Vulnerability allows you to explore different spheres your mind and body can reach. There is no cost in being submissive to vulnerability because there is a reward. What is the reward? Basking in the ephemeral savasana and basking in the onstage chemistry with your cast mates, or connecting with strangers on a meta level.
-Vlad
Tips For Making a GREAT Relationship
Adapted from Michael McCarthy:
The opportunity for the Great Relationship is always in your path, you simply have to notice it, choose it….and …. WORK at it. That relationship that we are all looking for must be nourished and maintained like any beautiful flower.
What are the magical ingredients we need to culture this flower? In no special order but all necessary to its colour, bouquet and texture, here are a few of the necessary items you need in your love potion for that “Great Relationship”:
Expression of Gratitude
Give thanks everyday for that special person in your life and the wonder of the love you share.
Forgiveness
Always be willing to forgive, to let go of that which you may not approve of in your relationship. Do not cast the stone of disapproval.
Honesty
Always be transparent in your relationship. Do not judge one another.
Expression of Beauty and Excellence
Be sure to compliment and positively comment on what may seem at first glance small or insignificant.
Focus on what’s good, great and intoxicating
Always have at the centre of your relationship what is great.
Perspective
Keep in perspective what is happening in your relationship.
Teamwork
Be kind to one another. Neither person is there to be taken advantage of.
Humour
Keep your sense of humour. Do not take one another too seriously. Have fun.
Kindness
Be kind and considerate whenever you are interacting with each other.
Perseverance
Never give up on that special person.
Creativity
Look for new and fresh ways to bring new excitement and awarenesses into your relationship.
Love of learning to love
Each day look for something new and wonderful you can learn about your partner’s love.
WORK on these in your special relationship. Continue to notice and choose those items that make your relationship precious. Enjoy each moment so you never have to regret what you could have had.
In the words of the Prophet, Kahlil Gibran – “Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of love”. This in the flower that blossoms before your eyes.
21 Habits to Avoid if You're Truly Wanting Happiness
We all want to be happy. We often talk about how badly we want happiness, yet we keep repeating the same unhealthy habits over and over again.
The best way to achieve happiness is by eliminating things that aren't serving us anymore.
So read the following list of what you should stop doing, and make your life happier today:
1. Stop complaining about what’s missing. Instead, be grateful for what you already have.
2. Stop being a jerk to people you love. Instead, open up about what’s bothering you deep inside.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others, because you’ll never feel good enough. Instead, focus on your strengths and let them shine.
4. Stop pushing people away with your criticism. Instead, accept your imperfections and acknowledge theirs as well.
5. Stop living in your past. Instead, forgive yourself and those who caused you pain and move on.
6. Stop seeking people’s approval, because you’ll always feel that something’s missing. Instead, believe in yourself and focus on what makes you happy.
7. Stop blaming others for your unhappiness, because you’re the author of your life. Instead, put a plan together to create the life that you want.
8. Stop beating yourself up when you make mistakes. Instead, use them as an opportunity to grow.
9. Stop falling into your bad habits. Instead, create new ones that will help you achieve your goals.
10. Stop wasting your life on Facebook and on TV. Instead, find new passions that will nurture you.
11. Stop living other people’s dreams. Instead, find your own and feel alive forever.
12. Stop being in a rush. Instead, focus on every moment because you have all your life to complete your tasks.
13. Stop worrying about everything. Instead, focus on every moment so you don’t miss out on miracles.
14. Stop whining. Instead, focus on what you want and take action to get it
15. Stop controlling others. Instead, appreciate who they are and what they are.
16. Stop thinking you’re the smartest. Instead, appreciate the best in others and work with them to create a more harmonious world.
17. Stop trying to impress other people. Instead, be yourself and let people love you for who you are.
18. Stop surrounding yourself with negative people, because they’ll only bring you down. Instead, be around like minded people who appreciate you and support your growth
19. Stop saying YES to everything. Instead, stand up for yourself and say NO lovingly, for everyone’s sake.
20. Stop competing for success. Instead, realize that the world has enough for everyone.
21. Stop being scared of taking your first step. Instead, gain your power back and trust the process of life. Everything happens for a “good” reason.
7 Ways to Stop Fearing What Everyone Thinks of You
Adapted by Marc Chernoff:
The unhappiest people in this world are the people who care the most about what everyone else thinks.
“What’s wrong with wanting to please others?”
That’s what several people asked me via email in response to one of my recent articles. Today, I want to discuss why it’s not healthy to try to please everyone, and how to stop yourself from doing so.
Seeking approval from others is perfectly fine up until the point where you are compromising your health and happiness in the process. It becomes a serious problem if you feel as though widespread positive approval from others is the very oxygen you need to breathe. There was a time in my life when I felt exactly this way.
I literally felt like I was short of breath – almost as if I’d die if my peers didn’t approve of me. This is a condition that developed in my mind when I was very young, after kids in grade school teased me for being a “nerd.” I did everything I could to win their approval. And although I grew out of my awkward stage pretty early in my teenage years, the damage was done – I was left feeling insecure. I was conditioned to seek and beg for outside approval at all times.
The big problem was that, as a twenty-something college graduate entering the work force, I felt that anything I did or even thought only had validity if it was the “right thing” to say and think. And by “right thing,” what I really mean is “what other people thought was right.” I was terrified to step outside the box of acceptability – which was especially harmful to my creativity as I tried to nurture my passion for writing and blogging.
Once I realized what I was doing, I read several books, spoke with a coach, and focused diligently on healing this broken part of myself.
The bottom line is that constant approval-seeking forces you to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas and desires. If you are led through life only doing and being what you’ve come to believe is expected of you, then, in a way, you cease to live.
So how can you stop fearing what everyone thinks of you? Let’s take a look:
1. Get comfortable with not knowing what other people think.
Some problems in life, such as not knowing what others think of you, are not really meant to be resolved. How people perceive you may have more to do with them than you anyway. They may even like or dislike you simply because you’ve triggered an association in their minds by reminding them of someone they liked or disliked from their past, which has absolutely nothing to do with you. So here’s a new mantra for you – say it, and then say it again: “This is my life, my choices, my mistakes and my lessons. As long as I’m not hurting people, I need not worry what they think of me.”
2. Know that most people are NOT thinking about you anyway.
Ethel Barrett once said, “We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t thinking about you anyway. If you feel like they always are, understand that this perception of them watching you and critiquing your every move is a complete figment of your imagination. It’s your own inner fears and insecurities that are creating this illusion. It’s you judging yourself that’s the problem.
3. Accept that someone else’s opinion is NOT your problem.
How many times have you looked at a person and initially misjudged their brilliance? Appearances are deceptive. How you seem to someone and how you actually are are rarely congruent. Even if they get the basic gist of who you are, they’re still missing a big piece of the puzzle. What someone thinks of you will rarely contain the whole truth, which is fine.
If someone forms an opinion of you based on superficialities, then it’s up to them, not you, to reform those opinions based on a more objective and rational viewpoint. Leave it to them to worry about – that is, if they even have an opinion at all. Bottom line: The opinions other people have about you is their problem, not yours. The less you worry about what they think of you, the less complicated your life becomes.
4. Ask yourself, “Does what they think even matter?”
People will think what they want to think. No matter how carefully you choose your words and mannerisms, there’s always a good chance they’ll be misinterpreted and twisted upside down by someone. Does this really matter in the grand scheme of things? No, it doesn’t.
How others see you is not important. How you see yourself means the world. When you’re making big decisions, remember, what you think of yourself and your life is more important than what people think of you. Stay true to YOU. Never be ashamed of doing what feels right. Decide what you think is right and stick to it.
5. See the benefit in being unique.
If you’re thinking like everyone else, you aren’t thinking. And if you aren’t thinking, you aren’t truly living. It’s human nature to attempt to mimic other humans we look up to – perhaps a parental figure or a celebrity – especially when we are feeling insecure in our own skin. But attempting to be someone else will always leave us feeling empty inside. Why? Because what we appreciate about the people we admire is their individuality – the qualities that make them unique. To really copy them, we need to develop our own individuality, and in that way, we would actually be less like them and more like our true selves.
We all have quirks and unique perspectives. The more relaxed you become with your own differences, the more comfortable you will start to feel just being YOU. Celebrate being different, off the beaten path, a little on the weird side… your own special creation. If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, by all means find a new river to swim in. But DO NOT change who you are; BE who you are.
6. Be fully present and aware of how you DO want to feel.
It’s OK to know how you do not want to feel, but that’s not all you should be thinking about. Imagine someone trying to learn to read by spending all their time focusing on how they do not want to not be able to read. It doesn’t really make any sense, does it?
Enough is enough! Forget what you do not want to feel for a moment. Work out how you DO want to feel right now in the present moment. Train yourself to live right here, right now without regretting how others once made you feel, or fearing the possibility of future judgment.
7. Speak and live your truth.
Speak your truth even if your voice shakes. Be cordial and reasonable, of course, but don’t tread carefully on every word you say. Push your concerns of what others might think aside. Let the consequences of doing so unravel naturally. What you’ll find is that most of the time no one will be offended or irritated at all. And if they do get upset, it’s likely only because you’ve started behaving in a way that makes them feel they have less power over you.
Think about it. Why be fake?
In the end, the truth usually comes out one way or the other, and when that happens, you’re standing alone if you’ve been living a lie. So live your whole truth starting now. If someone gives you a hard time and says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not a bad thing. It just means you stopped living your life their way. Don’t apologize for it. Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.
Afterthoughts
A life spent ceaselessly trying to please people who, perhaps, are incapable of ever being pleased, or trying too hard to always be seen as doing “the right thing,” is a sure road to a regretful existence.
Do more than just exist. We all exist. The question is: Do you live?
Please take this post to heart and start making changes today. Life is too short not to.
Work Mind Vs. Vacation Mind
The Practice of Work Mind & Vacation Mind, Simultaneously
Adapted from Leo Babuta
As we move forward into winter vacation season, and the idea of "getting away from it all," it seems important to consider how we can avoid "working for the weekend" or trudging along until the next vacation.
Imagine being on vacation: you can laze around, sipping on margaritas, not worrying about what you have to do today, not worrying about the time, just being without all the anxiety.
Now imagine being busy at work: you are doing one task while worrying about others, worrying that you’re not doing the right task, thinking about all the other things on your schedule and task list, interrupted by others, filled with anxiety.
Vacation mind, work mind.
They are two different things, and yet, what if we could have the vacation mind while working? We’d have to toss out the lazing around and the margaritas, but the mindset could be the same. The result would be a saner way of living, where we aren’t “working for the weekend” or looking forward to the little vacation time we have, but instead are happier throughout the week.
How can this be done? It’s a few small mindset habits, which can be practiced and learned over time.
What Vacation Mind is Like at Work
Work mind is often full of anxiety: anxiety for what we need to do, for deadlines, for irritating or angry co-workers/bosses, for all the information coming in, for whether we’re doing the right thing right now, for whether we’re missing out on something important. Vacation mind lets that anxiety go, and is just present in the current moment. Time is less important, enjoying yourself is the priority.
So what does it look like when you apply vacation mind to work? You let go of the anxiety. You aren’t worried about getting it all done, or doing the right thing right now, or all the things you have to do later. You are immersed in enjoying whatever you’ve chosen to do right now.
Let’s say you decide to write something right now — you have a long list of things to do, but you decide this is the thing you want to work on at the moment. Could there be other things you should be doing instead? Of course — there always are. There’s no way to know the perfect thing to do — so just pick something, and do it.
You have other things to do, but instead of worrying about those things, you immerse yourself in the current task. You aren’t worried about getting it done quickly, but more focused on enjoying yourself as you do it. Now and then you mentally step back, take a look at the bigger picture, and then return back to immersion in the task.
Pick something to do, immerse yourself, let go of worrying about other things, and just do. Enjoy yourself. Once in awhile, come up for air and look at the big picture.
The Vacation Mind Practices
You might have noticed the key elements in the description above — they’re the practices to be developed if you want to have vacation mind at work.
Note that you can’t just flip a switch and be good at these things today … they take practice, like any other skill. I can say that they’re worth practicing, even if you never master them, because they can transform your relationship with work.
Here are the practices — I recommend practicing a little each day:
- Pick something, immerse yourself. On vacation, you might decide to go for a swim. So you do, and fully enjoy the feeling of the cool water on your skin, the exertion of the swim, the taste of the water in your mouth. You can do this at work too: pick something to do, forget about whether it’s the right thing to do at the moment (there’s no such thing), and just do it. Be fully in it. Enjoy the experience of doing it. Notice the feeling, the exertion, the taste.
- Let go of anxieties. This takes practice. It’s noticing when anxiety comes up, then noticing the source of the anxiety, which is some kind of outcome you hope will happen (looking good in front of others, being perfectly productive, not messing up, controlling a situation, etc.). Realize that this outcome is only a fantasy, and that other outcomes are OK too. Realize that holding on to this fantasy outcome is hurting you (causing anxiety). Be compassionate with yourself and let go of the unnecessary fantasy that’s hurting you.
- Step back and see the big picture. Immersing yourself is great, but it’s also useful to be able to un-immerse yourself, and take an assessment of what’s going on around you. This might mean what’s going on physically around you — people who are nearby, how you’re sitting (and whether you’re sitting too long), etc. But it could mean taking a look at your work situation, as it is right now (something that’s always changing) — is there an appointment you should get to, another task you should jump into instead, someone who needs your attention, some anxiety that’s come up? See the big picture, then go back into immersion.
- Be less worried about time. There are times when time matters — showing up on time for an appointment to be considerate of the other person/people you’re meeting, meeting a deadline, having to bill for the time you spend. But a lot of the time we worry about time for no real good reason. It’s not healthy. Immerse yourself in the task, step back to see the big picture, and immerse yourself again (in the same task or another). The time of day isn’t relevant to this process.
Is it possible to be on permanent vacation, so that you’re doing your work but also in the relaxed, enjoyable mindset that’s brought on by margaritas on the beach? I think so, but there’s only one way to find out. Practice.
10 Messages Your Body May Be Sending You on Your Mat - Are You Listening?!?!
Adapted from Karen Fabian:
"If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you." "You are beautiful and perfect just as you are." These are just a couple of concepts that I often teach on. Please read on to discover how you can learn to love yourself and your practice even more.
Sometimes when we practice yoga, it’s all we can do to get to the mat. We start practicing, our body is tired, our minds wander and we’re distracted and not focusing on the mind/body connection. Even in the best of practices though, we may also feel somewhat disconnected. We’re dealing with information overload: between social media, the news, our personal schedules and any pains in our body that may have disrupted the passage of messages from our heads to our body.
It’s important to hear the messages our body is sending. This can be the difference between feeling good and feeling great. Sometimes our body is sending us messages but we’re not clear on what to do because we’re new to the pose or to yoga in general.
So, inspired by these thoughts, here are 10 things that may pop up in your sensory body that might be worth listening to:
Is Downward Dog supposed to hurt my hands so much?
From a teacher’s perspective, this is one of the most common messages I’ll bet your body may be sending you, but you’re not sure what to do. If you’re new to yoga and feeling this, you’re probably wondering how anyone could enjoy this pose.
Bend your knees and leverage pushing down into your palms to literally rebound up the sides of your body, pushing your hips up and back. Remember to keep your knees bent a little so that you can draw the weight out of your hands and into your legs. Do this with great awareness so as not to overstretch the hamstrings or create tension in the low back or shoulders.
How can I stop my arm from shaking in Side Plank?
Here’s another pose-related message that I frequently see students struggle with while in class. Turning to the side puts tremendous pressure on the shoulder. Unless the shoulder is stacked over the wrist and/or the knee is down, you may experiences shaking in the supporting arm. Take this modification and you’ll experience less shake while building more strength.
It’s so hard to hold this Triangle Pose. This can’t possibly be right. Triangle pose is a stretch for the inner thighs and sides of the body but it’s hard to experience that sensation if you’re hanging over the front of your leg. Feeling good in this pose is additionally complicated by placing a block in front of the foot instead of behind it. In order to create the alignment of your joints needed to be comfortable, only bring your hand down as far as you can keep the upper body aligned with the front thigh. With this alignment, you’re not fighting gravity and can experience great stretch.
Why is it so hard to reach this block? This is hardly helpful. I often see people grab a block and the lose alignment by placing it too low or struggling to reach it with their fingertips versus using two or turning it on the higher end. Blocks are meant to give you greater stability not create more struggle. Listen to those messages and use more or turn them on their shorter sides.
My hamstring feels like it’s going to pop right out of my body. In our zeal to create flexibility, we may sometimes ignore the messages our body is sending us to let us know that we’re pushing too hard. Muscles should feel stretched evenly throughout the muscle but not to a point where we feel a strong sensation at the beginning or end of the muscle. Bend the knees or make other modifications to the part of the body in question to lessen this sensation.
I can’t breathe. Heated power classes can sometimes result in this feeling and can create anxiety for students. Even in non-heated classes, a crowded class or one where a student is experiencing anxiety for other reasons (yoga-related or otherwise) can trigger a sense of panic. Take a moment to listen to this message. Rest in Child’s Pose. Leave the room for a breather if you feel you need a break but do so mindfully.
I’m so tired. Sometimes, our practice helps us realize we’re really tired. While this seems obvious, as people often complain all the time about how tired they are, this is a deeper awareness; one that only comes after some time on the mat. It can be deep to the level of the bones or may just be an awareness that our mind is constantly moving.
During practice, modify and take time to rest. Give up the urge to keep up or compete with those around you. Meditate at the end of class on what else is going on in your life that could be contributing to this feeling.
Why am I having such a hard time keeping up? In any class we may feel the urge to keep up with those around us. In the midst of doing this, we may feel discouraged and start hearing voices that tell us we’re not good enough or ready for yoga. In these times, we need to practice compassion for where we’re at in our practice. We need to look for ways to make the practice fit our body as it is right now and let go of the need to compete.
I bet I could do this pose. Just as we need to allow for rest and compassion, we also need to listen to that inner voice, as small as it might be, that we could actually do the pose that is being presented. I know lots of students who think they can’t do a particular pose because they’re new, or not flexible or not strong enough. It’s only through trying that we will ever know. Bring your healthy attitude and see what’s possible.
I really feel good. Sometimes it’s easy to look at the glass as half full. We wanted to do a particular pose; we wanted to feel particularly graceful and did not. But sometimes, in the depths of our final rest, we may hear a voice that says, “ I feel great.” This is the magic of yoga.
Listen to that voice and from it, draw strength. You are beautiful, you are strong and you are perfect just as you are.
Why You Should Never Apologize for Crying
Adapted from Sheryl Paul:
I am a crier. I cried all through teacher training. I cried throughout my wedding (and the rehearsal). I have always been sensitive and emotional. While I have never viewed it as weakness, through some very humble teachings from two of my teachers, Ally Bogard and Jana Derges, I have found a way to hold space amidst this sensitivity. Please read on to find out more about the power of emotion and the essential release of tears.
I'm both surprised and saddened when a client starts to cry and then says, "I'm sorry." As crying is as much a part of life as the creek running through my backyard, it takes me a half a second to catch up to the concept of apologizing for tears. Do we apologize for laughing? Do we apologize for feeling excited? Where, oh where, did we learn to apologize for crying?
Well, it's not a difficult question to answer. The vast majority of my clients—and the human population—grew up with the very clear message that crying wasn't welcome or even tolerable. "Get over it" was the message that most kids were—and still are—raised with.
If you're a parent who hasn't embraced your own pain, who still views pain through the lens of shame that you absorbed when you were a child, you can't possibly create an environment in which your child feels safe to cry. The message of shame is passed down through the generations until someone's anxiety becomes so intolerable that they must break open and find compassion for their pain.
Among the many gifts of anxiety, learning to embrace your pain is among the most potent and far-reaching in terms of the effects it has on one's well-being, relationships, and current or future children. It is the stored pain that often underlies the pervasive anxiety and intrusive thoughts that torture millions of people in our culture.
When you can access the pain and allow it to bring you into your heart and body, the mind-chatter naturally quiets and eventually falls away completely.
In order to access the pain you first need to examine the messages that have been downloaded about crying and then ask yourself if you believe that those messages are true. Do you believe that "crying is weak"? Do you believe that, perhaps, there's a profound strength in allowing yourself to be touched enough by life that it opens you to tears? Do you believe that you'll cry too hard that you'll never stop? Or do you trust that crying, like all forms of grief, has its own timetable and that once you've emptied the well you'll be able to get up and go about your day?
The well may fill up again the next day, or even the next hour, but you will not fall into a depression because you've let yourself feel your pain. In fact, it's when you squash your pain that it either silences into depression or wiggles out through anxiety. The beliefs you carry about pain are old, false, and need to be discarded before you can allow yourself to open to what's living in your heart.
There's such richness and beauty in crying.
When a client feels safe enough to open those floodgates and allows me to witness the most vulnerable place in her heart, I feel honored. There are no words in that place. I sit and breathe and allow and hold the space for the tears to move through at their own pace. It's sacred space. It's real space. It's some of the most fulfilling and interesting work that I do as it is energy that arises directly from the center of a person's soul. The mind chatter is gone. The quest to explain this or that falls away. It's raw, honest and alive.
Never, ever apologize for your tears. Do your work so that you can blast through the veil of shame that tells you crying is weak or bad in any way. Your pain is your strength. When you apologize, you dam up the current that's trying pass through. Let those waters flow. Allow someone to be witness to your pain. It's how we heal, and it how we find our way to wholeness.
The One Thing All Relationships Need to Succeed
Just another thought about self-love and appreciation :)
What is a foundation? It's the ground on which we build. Obviously if we want to build something that can weather a storm, it's best to start with a sturdy foundation.
So what's the foundation of all relationships? It is the relationship you have with yourself.
If your internal foundation is shaky — has cracks and holes (insecurities and negative self-concepts) — then the relationships you build on top of it are going to feel shaky, too. However, if you move in the world with a solid sense of self, then you're less likely to crumble when things don't go as planned. And things aren't going to go as planned.
When we're internally insecure, we naturally try to control the circumstances that surround us. Unfortunately, we fail. Why? Because it's impossible to control things that exist outside of us.
But there's another way: go within to find your strength. That's where your true sense of sturdiness lies.
So how do you do it? Simple (but not always easy): Know who you really are.
When I say this, I don't mean that you know your name and how you like to spend your time (although these things are important). I'm talking about going beyond that — knowing what your true essence is.
Know that you are magnificent. Know that you are supremely important. Know that you are worthy. Know that you are love.
When we know ourselves in a deep, spiritual way, we know that we are much greater than we give ourselves credit for.
Many of us identify with our wounds and faults: "I'm bad at relationships," "I'm not good with money." Or even worse, "I'm not very smart," "I'm not attractive enough."
Look, those things aren't the truth about you. Not even close. Those are your ego's stories — your limited self-concept. But they don't define the real you.
If you identify with your limited self-concept, then naturally you try to get other people to make you feel worthy. But again, any time you're depending on something outside of you to feel secure, you're in trouble. Because everything outside of us moves and shakes. That's the nature of life.
Know that there's a truth that exists beyond all these stories. This is the truth of your soul. It knows that no matter what, you are an amazing person.
Do you make mistakes? Yes. But underneath those mistakes is a desire to do better next time; to let the best version of yourself shine.
Things are going to shake you. People are going to try to convince you that you're not so great. Don't listen to them!
Build your internal foundation. Know who you really are and never forget.
You are nothing short of magnificent. Find this inner source of love and hold on tightly; it will keep you steady through all the changing tides.
Why We Lie & Three Ways to Stop
Adapted from Ally Hamilton, and inspired (for me, Brandon Jacobs), by Jana Derges.
I teach on all kinds of things but most importantly I teach on self-love, self-appreciation and self-worth. We need to stop hiding who we are and what we believe in and speak truth: hard, authentic truth.
There are all kinds of reasons people lie but at the root of most of them is fear. Too many people go through life holding back or sacrificing their deepest desires and true intimacy because they're afraid to say and live what's true for them.
Sometimes people lie because they don't want to hurt someone else. Sometimes it's because they want to do what they want to do, and don't want to have to factor in someone else's feelings. And sometimes it's because they've done something they wish they hadn't and want to rewrite history. Or keep things as they are.
People lie when they feel threatened or trapped. The thing is, if you want people to know you, understand you, and love you for who you are, you have to be willing to show yourself. And lying is a way of keeping yourself hidden.
Here are three ways to pull back the veil and free yourself so you can live in a way that feels good.
1. Know yourself.
This is really the key. If you don't know what lights you up, what will bring you peace and joy and give your life meaning and purpose, there's no internal GPS to follow. Without that it feels like we're walking in the dark, bumping into things or people, hurting ourselves or others inadvertently.
Follow the pull of your heart and listen to your intuition. Neither of those will steer you in the wrong direction. Don't worry about logic or practicality for just a little while, simply allow yourself to move toward those things that fulfill you and give you the sense of being in the flow. For me it was yoga; for you it might be something completely different. (And I'm not talking about breaking commitments to people or shirking your responsibilities, I'm simply saying give yourself permission to explore pursuits that bring you joy.) Recognize that in order to do this you may need to make big changes in your life.
When we've been flying blind, it's likely we've landed ourselves in relationships and jobs that have nothing to do with that inner yes. Tell the people closest to you that you're feeling the need to change things up. That you aren't happy in that deep way, and that you're trying to get to know yourself. Understand that some people may feel threatened, but no one can fault you for trying to find some peace and meaning if you haven't already. Life is short, after all.
2. Face reality as it is.
As you get to know yourself in a profound way it's very possible you will realize there are areas in your life that don't fit anymore. If it's a relationship this realization can be brutal but it's probably something you've known for a long time and haven't wanted to face. Sometimes we lie to ourselves and those are the most painful lies. Betraying what's true for you at your core is the deepest rejection there is. There's no way to feel connected or seen or understood by anyone else if you aren't even able to do those things for yourself. A relationship or a job that is crushing you is like dead weight on your heart; it's hard to breathe.
Sometimes people tell me they're living in pain because they don't want to hurt the other people in their lives. The thing is, everyone deserves to be truly loved. If you're in a relationship with someone and you're just going through the motions, do you think the other person can't feel that on some level? I don't believe anyone would thank you for staying out of guilt or pity. If there are children involved then you work like hell to save it. You do anything and everything in your power to right the ship. You work to see if something true and beautiful, even if it's a glimmer of something that existed years and years ago, can be fed.
Remember: you don't do anyone any favors by being a martyr. You can't nurture anything or anyone, including yourself, in a dead environment. And that's what happens when we deny our own reality. Something within us starts to wither and die, and the roots begin to shrivel.
3. Respect people enough to tell them the truth.
There are big lies and little lies. If your old Aunt Marge knits you a horrendous hat for Christmas, of course you thank her. You might even wear the hat when you see her because that's what love looks like sometimes. But I know so many people who lie because they don't want to have a painful conversation. It can be about small stuff, like something they want to buy but know their partner wouldn't support, like an expensive pair of shoes or jeans or a new toy.
When you do something behind someone's back you know what you've done, whether or not you get away with it. You have to live with the fact that you've done something sneaky and that's not going to make you feel good about yourself. You put on those sneaky jeans or pair of shoes, and say they're really old when your partner comments on them. And now you have to live with your sneaky self. And that energy permeates a relationship.
Now you've hidden a relatively small thing; what else might you hide next? An email flirtation, tea with a "friend" you like in a way that scares you? Once you start hiding from the people closest to you it's only a matter of time before you feel very alone; it becomes hard to trust yourself, to trust in your goodness, in your ability to be kind to yourself and to the people in your life. There are some things you don't need to share, of course. If you see someone in line at the grocery store and you think they're attractive, you don't need to go home and tell your partner; that's called being human.
If you have an energy building with someone at work you need to talk about it, sooner rather than later. An uncomfortable conversation, while painful and not desirable, is still so much better than an emotional betrayal that you allow to grow. You're better off regrouping, whether it's something small or something big.
Speaking your truth or honoring your truth doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want. Sometimes there's confusion about that in the spiritual community. It means you have the painful conversations. It means you acknowledge what's in your heart and then decide together what to do about it. That's called integrity, and that will make you feel good about yourself, even if the process isn't fun sometimes.
Life is not easy. It's beautiful and heartbreaking and frequently awe-inspiring, but it isn't easy. Being a human being with all your history and all your experiences, with the particular lens through which you look is a vulnerable undertaking indeed. You make things a lot easier for yourself and for all the people in your life when you live in a way that opens your heart. You simply can't do that if you're denying your deepest truths.
"Three things cannot long be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth."
(This is not a direct quote from the Buddha, it's paraphrased. Truth! :)
Asteya - The Art of Non-Stealing
Asteya: The Art of Non-Stealing
By Vlady Peychoff
When you hear the word ‘non-stealing’ what does your mind jump to? Personal possessions? Time? Energy? Friendship? It may be none of these answers as each and every one of us have been influenced by different experiences, people and environments.
Non-stealing in yogi terms refers to Asteya, a branch of the Yammas and Niyamas (one of the eight limbs in yoga).
Stealing is a term that stereotypically extends itself to the taking of personal possessions. At any rate, stealing has the potential to encompass in its scope non-material forms such as time and energy. When engaging in a conversation, whether it is in a professional, social or amicable setting, there can be dips in our attention span, we are human. Have you ever dozed off when a friend has been telling you about something seemingly unimportant that does not resonate with you? Sometimes you catch the last part of the conversation, then you tangent off to another topic without acknowledging what was just said. This is an example of stealing, time and energy were wasted; it can even be an unconscious unintentional act, but it happens.
An interesting excerpt from the Huffington Post titled How to Practice Asteya: Non-Stealing of Others' Time by Alexandra Franzen suggests the following ways we can adopt Asteya in our daily lives:
· Write short, concise, elegant emails. Most working professionals receive upward of 100 emails a day. If you're going to add to the queue, strive to be precise.
· Think before you reach out for "help." Can the answer you're seeking easily be Googled? Do you really need assistance? Do you have a specific question, at all?
· Consider not speaking.
"Open your mouth only if what you are about to say is more beautiful than silence." -- Arabic Proverb
· Show up on time. Model punctuality and inspire others to do the same.
· Don't commit to projects that you have no desire to complete.
· Make it easy for people to help you. If you're reaching out to someone to request a favor, tell them exactly what you need, and when, and why.
· Make it easy for people to understand you. Nothing steals away time like struggling to decipher what someone is trying to say!
· If you tend to be overly-wordy, pretend as though you're appearing on a morning talk show and only have a few moments to captivate your audience. If you tend to use a lot of convoluted jargon, pretend that you're speaking to a very young child.
· Try to avoid changing your mind mid-stream -- especially if your new choice creates a significant inconvenience for others. If you must shift gears, do it fast and do it right.
Be concise and precise. Don’t steal your time and the time of others.
A note on Vlady's personal experience:
Asteya is a practice that I try to integrate on a daily basis. It takes discipline and patience, but over time I've noticed a difference. Asteya is not limiting in regards to awareness in conversation, though it has taught me how to attune to the tone of conversation being spoken. Perpetual boredom or feeling complacent can be mitigated when you realize that your time matters. For instance, crossing something off your to do list that you've been procrastinating. "I have no time to do _______" is an expression that has become meaningless when even the simplest of tasks such as 'washing the dishes' turns 'impossible'. In brief, Asteya is to respect the value of time.
What do you do to practice or incorporate the art of non-stealing?
Asteya - The Art of Non-Stealing
Asteya: The Art of Non-Stealing
By Vlady Peychoff
When you hear the word ‘non-stealing’ what does your mind jump to? Personal possessions? Time? Energy? Friendship? It may be none of these answers as each and every one of us have been influenced by different experiences, people and environments.
Non-stealing in yogi terms refers to Asteya, a branch of the Yammas and Niyamas (one of the eight limbs in yoga).
Stealing is a term that stereotypically extends itself to the taking of personal possessions. At any rate, stealing has the potential to encompass in its scope non-material forms such as time and energy. When engaging in a conversation, whether it is in a professional, social or amicable setting, there can be dips in our attention span, we are human. Have you ever dozed off when a friend has been telling you about something seemingly unimportant that does not resonate with you? Sometimes you catch the last part of the conversation, then you tangent off to another topic without acknowledging what was just said. This is an example of stealing, time and energy were wasted; it can even be an unconscious unintentional act, but it happens.
An interesting excerpt from the Huffington Post titled How to Practice Asteya: Non-Stealing of Others' Time by Alexandra Franzen suggests the following ways we can adopt Asteya in our daily lives:
· Write short, concise, elegant emails. Most working professionals receive upward of 100 emails a day. If you're going to add to the queue, strive to be precise.
· Think before you reach out for "help." Can the answer you're seeking easily be Googled? Do you really need assistance? Do you have a specific question, at all?
· Consider not speaking.
"Open your mouth only if what you are about to say is more beautiful than silence." -- Arabic Proverb
· Show up on time. Model punctuality and inspire others to do the same.
· Don't commit to projects that you have no desire to complete.
· Make it easy for people to help you. If you're reaching out to someone to request a favor, tell them exactly what you need, and when, and why.
· Make it easy for people to understand you. Nothing steals away time like struggling to decipher what someone is trying to say!
· If you tend to be overly-wordy, pretend as though you're appearing on a morning talk show and only have a few moments to captivate your audience. If you tend to use a lot of convoluted jargon, pretend that you're speaking to a very young child.
· Try to avoid changing your mind mid-stream -- especially if your new choice creates a significant inconvenience for others. If you must shift gears, do it fast and do it right.
Be concise and precise. Don’t steal your time and the time of others.
A note on Vlady's personal experience:
Asteya is a practice that I try to integrate on a daily basis. It takes discipline and patience, but over time I've noticed a difference. Asteya is not limiting in regards to awareness in conversation, though it has taught me how to attune to the tone of conversation being spoken. Perpetual boredom or feeling complacent can be mitigated when you realize that your time matters. For instance, crossing something off your to do list that you've been procrastinating. "I have no time to do _______" is an expression that has become meaningless when even the simplest of tasks such as 'washing the dishes' turns 'impossible'. In brief, Asteya is to respect the value of time.
What do you do to practice or incorporate the art of non-stealing?
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